


Collapsing

by lordoftheflyingfucks



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e04 Aithusa, First Fic!, dragonlord reveal, popping my fic cherry, why would you put the 'collapse building' button on the top floor?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-02-27 22:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18748174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordoftheflyingfucks/pseuds/lordoftheflyingfucks
Summary: Season 4, episode 3:What if the knights had woken up a little sooner and found Merlin not-so-subtly stealing a dragon egg?





	1. Rise and Shine

Arthur woke to a stinging headache.

His heart pounded in his ears, there was a slick coat of sweat on his forehead, and when he opened his eyes sharp white daggers stung straight into them. Ah, daylight. That’s what that is. Arthur blinked drearily as he sat up, and he could very nearly make out his surroundings when a gruff voice sounded to his side.

“Christ… what the hell did you let me drink?”

A very reasonable question. “Good morning, Gwaine.” Arthur could see things more clearly now, could see Gwaine sitting to his left in a similar position to him, with a similar pained look on his face. The rest of the knights were there too, in various stages of rising around an extinguished campfire.

There was one absence.

“Where’s Merlin?” Arthur frowned.

“I can barely think where we are.” Elyan murmured. 

Now that was a point. Arthur reached for his water flask as he tried to strain through the thick fog covering his mind, attempting to piece together his last memories. The theft, the piece of a key... What was the thief’s name? Well they had chased him here, but… that’s right they had to stop to make camp, after he attacked them. Borden. Borden the thief with tricks up his sleeves.

Arthur froze with his waterskin halfway to his lips.

“We’ve been poisoned.”

“Seems like.” Gwaine’s tone was light, but his eyes fixed sharply on Arthur’s flask, considering it. “It won’t be that. We’ve all been hit with the same thing, and trust me when I say the contents of my flask is different from yours.”

“Look at this,” Leon had risen to his feet, and was now crouched down fishing a ladle through their near-empty pot of stew. Arthur’s reluctant body took a moment to get up, but he and the knights soon joined Leon around the pot. Leon stood with the ladle out between them, displaying the strange bulb atop it.

“That’s wolf’s bane” Percival said, eyes wide. “A root that big should be deadly”.

“Then how are we alive?” Elyan asked morosely.

They all cast fleeting looks towards their empty bowls, then back to the to the wolf’s bane. Arthur had to tear his eyes from the thing. Glaring at it would get them nowhere.

“However we survived, it doesn’t matter. Borden will be headed straight for the tomb now he thinks we’re dead. We need to go after him.” Arthur turned to fetch his sword but quickly whipped back around to face his men. “And can anyone tell me where the HELL Merlin is?”

The knights looked around and at each other, each unsure and without answers. A thought flit over Leon’s face. “He didn’t eat with us, he was feeding the horses.” He frowned. “If he came back and saw us passed out, then why would he leave? He would try and treat us surely.”

“Maybe he went to get water” Elyan suggested.

“Maybe he already treated us,” said Gwaine, “after all we’re alive, aren’t we?”

“Then where is he?” wondered Elyan.

But a thought had already dawned on Arthur. “That idiot!” He growled, quickly rushing to grab his scabbard. “Come on! Before he gets himself killed.”

“He hasn’t.” Gwaine said, paling. “Oh, of course he has.” Gwaine rushed to grab his own sword. The other knights quickly got the idea and did the same, save Percival, who’s injury slowed him.

“Percival, you follow behind and keep watch outside the tower.” Arthur said as he buckled on his scabbard. Percival nodded at Arthur, understanding he would only slow them down. “Everyone else, let’s go!”

The men hardly needed encouragement, and soon the party was running full speed towards the Dragon tower.


	2. The climb

Running full-speed wasn’t a feasible idea for long, as the tower turned out to be very tall with many twists and turns. It was clear Borden had already been through and checked all the rooms off the main corridor, as the doors were all open, some of them busted down. The fact he had either picked or broken his way into the rooms made it easy for the knights to quickly check through them. No Merlin so far.

Rushing up the tower’s winding steps was laborious, but by the time they were nearing the top the party’s heads felt clearer, finally rid of the poison’s sluggish after effects. Unfortunately, this just meant Arthur became more worried about his manservant, who they still hadn't caught up with. Arthur dreaded to think what that cutthroat would do if Merlin confronted him.

The party was clear and alert as they neared their foe, but when they rounded the corner to the final door they didn’t find the cutthroat they had come to expect. Instead Borden leaned into the wall, head bowed, blinking groggily. On hearing their fast footsteps, the disorientated man looked up at Arthur with a look of pure surprise. 

“Oh shit.”

Arthur quickly took Borden by his shoulders and slammed the thief up against the wall.

“Got you” he said triumphantly, “Didn’t expect to see us again, I suppose?”

“I’ve had a lot of surprises of late.” Borden said dryly. His eyes left Arthur’s and drifted over the knights. “Merlin didn’t join you?” he asked innocently.

Rats. The fact Borden knew Merlin’s name must mean he’d already trapped him somewhere. Arthur gave the thief another knock into the wall.

“What have you done with him?” he growled.

“Oh, I haven’t done anything with Merlin in days,” Despite the fear in his eyes, Borden seemed amused. “Not since he introduced himself to me in Camelot- “

“I’ll not tolerate lies.” Arthur said coldly, unsheathing his sword. Borden shifted as Arthur removed his hand, but Gwaine quickly grabbed his shoulders, and Leon began tying his hands behind his back with rope.

“Interesting young man, your manservant!” Borden announced, still squirming under the knights’ grips. “Very interested in dragons. Enthralled by them! Couldn’t wait to help me steal your- “

The cold tip of Arthur’s sword reached Borden’s chin. Borden eyed the blade, before fixing upon Arthur once again.

“Though I’ve not seen him, I’ve no doubt where he’ll be.” And with that, Borden shifted his eyes very purposefully towards the open door before them.

Arthur couldn’t believe what the thief was trying to insinuate. He could never convince him that Merlin, of all people, was in on some criminal conspiracy. Nonetheless, he seemed determined to try and fool Arthur, all the while Merlin was probably lost in this maze of building. Hell, maybe Merlin had got ahead somehow and was currently rolling around a dragon egg haplessly trying to destroy it.

“Leon, make sure we can’t hear anymore of this man’s nonsense.”

Leon, who had finished tying Borden’s hands, used another length of rope to cut Borden off before he could speak another sentence.

“We’ll go on ahead” Arthur said, walking through the doorway. “Merlin’s probably up there trying to destroy the egg. He’ll definitely need our help.”


	3. Stand Aside

Things were working out nicely for Merlin. The bad guy was out cold, and Merlin had safely disarmed the remaining booby traps- although really, he didn’t see the need for them. _What’s the point in setting traps for someone with a key for the door?_ It’s just poor planning.

That said, Merlin counted himself very lucky that Borden had been knocked out before reaching the egg. Now no confrontation needed! Merlin could take the egg and slip back down to camp, hide it, and then come with the knights to catch Borden and find what must have been an empty tomb all along! Maybe the egg was destroyed long ago, or maybe it was a rumour all along, or a mistranslation from the ancient text. Maybe all they’d find is a dragon... keg! Merlin would conjure up a nice dragon-sized keg of mead, and they’d all drink to a satisfying and anticlimactic victory.

Merlin knew these final steps would bring him to the dragon egg. Before he could even see it, he could feel something pulling him towards it. It wasn’t power humming off if it, but… a familiarity. A sense of belonging, of things sliding into place. As if it were saying; _Oh, here you are. I’ve been waiting for you!_

Time was of the essence, of course, but Merlin couldn’t help but stand in admiration for a moment. The egg was truly beautiful. Smooth and round, with a softly pointed tip. Light blue at first, but when the fire from the torchlight hit at just the right angle, suddenly it shone with a flurry of colours.

Mesmerised, Merlin stepped gently towards it. It seemed wrong to move such a still and peaceful thing, but it had to be done. The little dragon had slept long enough. Merlin slowly raised his hands to the pedestal and…

“Merlin!”

Merlin froze, his heart dropped to his stomach and he held his breath. He turned around.

“There you are!” Arthur was smiling at him, but… something else flashed across his eyes as he took in the scene before him. There was a similar look in the knights’ eyes. They were all standing behind him with… Borden. Awake and gagged.

What had he told them?

“You’ve found the egg I see.” Arthur nodded slowly. He had his sword in hand, and gave it a swing. “Stand aside then.”

Merlin still hadn’t let out that breath.

He was rooted to the spot. _This can’t be happening,_ he thought.

“Merlin.”

Arthur’s face had turned to stone.

Merlin could feel the beginnings of many emotions in the look on Arthur’s face. In the tone of that one word. It was a plea, a threat. It bled denial, and realisation, and anger. And sadness. It said ‘ _move now, and we can move on. Carry on, and this is the end_.’

“Stand aside.”

Merlin didn’t move.

He breathed out, and met his friend’s eyes.

“I can’t.” Merlin said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Arthur’s face fell, and his eyes flashed with sorrow for a moment, before his stance tensed and he clenched his jaw. He’d been betrayed. Again.

“So it’s true then.” He said icily. “You helped this thief.”

Behind Arthur, Merlin could see that Borden, despite being bound and gagged, had a somewhat smug look on his face. Looking back there was a mistake, as he caught sight of the looks of betrayal and shock on his friends’ faces.

Merlin looked down. “It wasn’t like that.” He choked out.

“Oh come on Merlin, this can’t be true.” Gwaine had jumped in now. He was always quick to defend Merlin, but for this there was no defence to think of. Merlin could only look back at him, speechless.

All the while Arthur’s eyes had just turned darker, still reeling from Merlin’s words.

“Stand aside or I cut you down.” he spat. The prince stepped forward, sword raised.

Merlin, now facing the business end of a sword, found his feet were suddenly able to move again, and he backed up towards the pedestal.

“I can’t let you do this Arthur,” he said desperately, looking around for some solution as Arthur stalked forwards, and the knights spread out from the doorway to catch him.

Fortunately, Merlin happened across the solution as his back touched against the pedestal. Suddenly the room began to shake. Dust crumbled from the ceiling and everyone was briefly distracted from the situation at hand, as the structural integrity of this thousand-year-old wobbling tower came into question.

As Merlin had a high tolerance for strange and unusual things occurring, he quickly ignored the fact the building may collapse and used his friends’ distraction to his advantage. He spun and grabbed the egg as it began to fall, and darted around Arthur and towards the doorway. Then he slowed time a little to dodge past the knights, and swiftly ducked down the staircase.

Merlin was a fast runner, and not weighed down with armour like the knights. Despite this, he arrived on the ground floor only a few moments before his friends, as he had been magically reinforcing the corridors as he ran in order to buy them all time. He flew out the front door and went straight for the treeline where he’d left his bag.

Percival was waiting anxiously next to it.

“Merlin! You made it! Where are the others?”

“On their way,” Merlin huffed out as he slid down next to his bag, scrambling to put the egg in.

“Is that the dragon egg?” Percival gaped.

“MERLIN!!!”

“Sorry Percy, no time to chat” Merlin quipped as he jumped to his feet and sprinted from the angry prince barrelling their way.

Merlin could run a little easier now the egg was safely in a bag secured over his chest, but he knew he couldn’t out run Arthur forever. And really, he didn’t want to. He’d rather risk rolling the dice with Arthur’s reaction to the truth than leave forever without even trying to fix things. No, he would stop and explain.

But first he had a promise to keep.


	4. Collapsing

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

 

Arthur felt his whole body deflate as the truth hit him like a blow to the stomach. Merlin didn’t want the egg destroyed. He was here to take it for himself. Borden had been telling the truth, they planned this theft together.

The wound of Morgana’s betrayal ripped open. Another friendship gone.

Arthur tensed, he wouldn’t let sadness disable him this time. Not when he had the traitor right in front of him.

“So it’s true then. You helped this thief.”

Merlin wouldn’t even look at him.

“It wasn’t like that.”

Gwaine said something behind Arthur, some words of denial, but Arthur didn’t listen. He could already see the truth on Merlin’s face. This was really happening, Merlin had betrayed all of them, all his friends. His best friend.

And for what? A dragon egg? Merlin had chosen a beast over his friends and his kingdom. He was planning to wreak havoc on the world and release that thing. Arthur wouldn’t allow it.

 “Stand aside or I cut you down.”

Arthur was going to put a stop to this. He would complete the mission; eliminate the dragon threat, arrest the thief. Well now they had two thieves.

 “I can’t let you do this Arthur.”

Merlin was backing away from him now, fearful. Why wouldn’t the fool just move!

 

A rumble stopped Arthur mid-step. He felt his whole body shake, and looked to his feet to confirm what he could already feel. The ground was shaking. Arthur felt something light touch his ear, and looked up to see dust falling from the ceiling. He could hear the unsettling sound of stone shifting all around him. The whole building was going to come d-

Something brushed his side- before he could reach out a hand to grab him, Merlin had already darted past with the egg, ducking between the others in a flash.

Arthur yelled out and moved to chase him down the stairs, but was obstructed by a sudden commotion. Borden had kicked at Leon and attempted to flee after Merlin, but Leon, winded though he was, kept a hand on the thief. Borden spun to face him and struggle free, but before Arthur and the knights could jump to Leon’s aid the turmoil had brought them both crashing down the stairs.

“Leon! are you okay?” Arthur yelled, rushing down the stairs to help him up. The knight gratefully took his hand and pulled himself to his feet.

“Fine sire.” And he was. Borden, on the other hand…

They heard a crash of stone falling in the chamber behind them. All the knights were safely out the room now, but it was clear the destruction wouldn’t stop anytime soon.

“There’s no time to carry him,” Arthur said grimly. Borden had been knocked unconscious, and with the building collapsing around them he would slow them down too much.

The knights all nodded, and followed their King in getting the hell out of there.


	5. Seize him

As Arthur ran down the shaking corridor he had only one thought: _catch Merlin_. He shuddered to think what havoc the dragon might wreak on the world if hatched. Not to mention it would probably eat the fool who freed it as soon as it laid eyes on his stupid face. What was Merlin even thinking?

_And there’s the idiot now._ Arthur yelled out at Merlin as he blasted out the tower, knights hot on his heels. Merlin leapt to his feet and carried on running, it seems he’d stopped for a moment to bag the egg and talk to oblivious Percival.

“After him!” Arthur yelled to the injured knight as he and the other’s raced past. Percival looked confused, but limped along after them all the same.

They were gaining on him now. Merlin could be quick when he wanted, but Arthur and the knights had built up much more endurance through their training, and could easily out last him. And right now, Arthur was pushing his body into overdrive to shorten the distance between them. It was harder to run as they dodged through the trees, but fortunately they were coming to a clearing up ahead where Arthur would surely catch him.

With his heart pounding in his ears, Arthur almost missed the deep rumble coming from ahead. _What was that?_ Merlin had said something, but the words were unintelligible. His voice even sounded different, he-

Arthur stumbled as Merlin quickly came to a dead stop at the edge of the clearing and jumped to the side as Arthur barrelled past. Arthur steadied himself and spun round, furious.

“Wait wait wait!” Merlin pleaded, hands in front of him as if he were placating a wild horse, “Please Arthur, stop! Let me explain!”

“Explain what?!” Arthur raged. “Explain how you betrayed me? Betrayed Camelot? All for some stupid bloody dragon egg!

“I’m still loyal to you, Arthur, please” Merlin’s eyes were fixed on his. “You just don’t understand what you’d be destroying here. Dragons aren’t monsters, they- “

“Merlin you were there at the attack,” said Leon. All the knights were now gathered around. “You saw what the last dragon did to Camelot.”

“Might be time to give it up, mate.” said Gwaine, dreading what might happen next.

But the fool carried on.

“The last dragon was angry, he’d been imprisoned, he wanted revenge! This is a child, you can’t blame it for the Great dragon’s crimes- “

“A child?!” Arthur couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “My god you’ve gone mad. It’s a monster, Merlin. You can’t control it, it’s not a pet-

“Dragons belong to no man, they are for the benefit of all. Arthur y-“

But Arthur had already stepped back, shocked. He really was insane.

“Seize him.”

“Arthur no-”

 Elyan and Leon were already moving to grab him.

“You need to listen to me- “

“We’ll have Gaius look over you when we get back,” Arthur had turned, he couldn’t bare to look at his crazed friend anymore. “Maybe he’ll know what- “

“Balinor was my father.”

Arthur turned around. Merlin was standing straight, looking right at him. Elyan and Leon were holding his shoulders, but both had paused, Leon in shock and Elyan in confusion.

“Balinor?” said Leon, incredulous.

“Who’s Balinor?” Elyan asked.

“The last Dragonlord.” Leon answered, still looking at Merlin with doubt. Merlin’s eyes stayed on Arthur.

Everyone stood still, unsure how to react.

“Your confused, Merlin” Arthur spoke carefully now, convinced his manservant was insane. “You never knew your father, remember? Balinor was just- “

“Balinor, fled Camelot when the purge started.” Merlin breathed out slowly. “He met my mother in Ealdor, they fell in love. He fled again when Camelot knights pursued him.”

“No. He…”

 But now Arthur couldn’t think what to say.

“I talked to him, when we found him.”

Merlin eyes were tearful. Arthur found himself hanging off every word.

“He didn’t know about me. I hadn’t known about him, until that quest.”

The words were tumbling out of him now.

“I wanted to tell you, Arthur. But…”

“Why didn’t you?”

Arthur’s could only stare in shock as he breathed out those words. His mind felt electrified, because somehow… this made sense. Merlin _had_ acted strangely on that trip. He’d quickly bonded with Balinor, he…

He was devastated when Balinor died.

“I was scared of what Uther might do to me.”

 Merlin’s words drew Arthur back to the present. He was scared? Of the King, Arthur’s father?

“You hadn’t done anything wrong.” Arthur said this as an accusation. He didn’t understand; Balinor was the criminal. Father was strict, yes, but he didn’t punish people’s relatives for-

“What I am is wrong.”

There was fear in Merlin’s eyes as he looked at Arthur’s face. Arthur could only stare back, not wanting to comprehend what he’d meant.

Surely, he didn’t mean-

 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._


	6. Above

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Arthur’s stare was broken as he looked around the trees. What was-

“What’s that sound?” Said Gwaine, frowning. The rest of the knights were also looking around in confusion, but Merlin’s gaze was still fixed on Arthur. The sound was getting louder.

_THUMP. THUMP. THUMP._

“Above!!” Percival yelled, his eyes fixed wide on the sky. Arthur turned to face the clearing and-

A Dragon. A fully grown, very familiar looking dragon was descending towards them.

“RUN!” Arthur shouted, and turned with his men towards the treeline.

“Merlin!”

Arthur heard Elyan behind him and looked back to see that Merlin had slipped from the knights’ hands, and was backing into the clearing beneath the approaching dragon.

“I’m sorry, Arthur” His friend was still looking at him.

“No!” Arthur cried, and made to run back, but Leon held him back, quickly helped by Elyan.

“No sire!”

“He’ll be killed!” Arthur struggled against his men. The wind from the Dragon’s wings beat against them as it landed. Merlin was right in front of it, still facing Arthur. What was he doing?

 

“Well, well.”

Arthur and the knights froze in shock as a booming voice filled the clearing.

_The Dragon could talk_.

“King Arthur, and his knights of the round table. This is a most unexpected meeting.” The dragon seemed… amused. “Though I imagine more so for you.”

Arthur had no words.

“And Merlin.” The Dragon looked down at the small man in front of him. Merlin finally dragged his eyes from Arthur and looked up at the beast. “I take it things didn’t go to plan?”

“When do I ever have a plan?” Merlin sighed, lifting his bag strap off over his head. He knelt and gently undid the buckles.

“I did, at least, get this.” He said, lifting the egg out. The dragons face broke out into a smile.

Arthur had never seen a Dragon smile before.

Merlin was smiling too. “Is it still alive?” he asked.

“It can live for more than a thousand years.” The dragon replied, his voice gentle and happy. Arthur would never expect a Dragon could sound so warm.

Merlin nodded, satisfied with the response. “You must take it to safety,” he breathed out pensively as he put the egg back in the bag.

“I see.” The dragon seemed a little disappointed with Merlin for some reason, but unsurprised. He reminded Arthur of Gaius. “And must I take you to safety also?”

Merlin shook his head immediately. “I have some explaining to do,” he said, with a look at Arthur. The dragon hummed in acknowledgment as Merlin walked to the dragon’s front foot and began strapping his bag to it’s claw.

This action shook Arthur from his stupor.

“Stop.” He said, eyes on Merlin, stuck between an order and a plea. Merlin just looked back hopelessly, still kneeling by the dragon’s foot.

Arthur drew his sword and look up at the dragon with a steely expression that he hoped was intimidating. After a moment he heard the knights behind him draw their own swords in support of their king.

Far from being intimidated, the dragon looked unperturbed. He bristled a little, shifting his feet and accidently knocking Merlin on his ass, who sputtered a little in surprise. If the situation weren’t so strange and serious, Arthur might just have laughed at this.

Instead he was preoccupied with the towering dragon before him, which drew its chest up and flexed its wings. Now that was intimidating.

“Arthur Pendragon,” he boomed, fixing his huge eyes on the prince, “before leaving here _undisturbed_ , I shall say this:  It is a great honour to meet you properly.”

Arthur steely look fell from his face in surprise. Last time he came face to face with this beast it tried to kill him. Now it was paying him compliments?

“I hope you will forgive our last encounter.” the beast continued, “I am truly sorry for the destruction I caused.”

Arthur didn’t need reminding what destruction he meant. This monster had nearly destroyed Camelot, and now it was apologising! Arthur could only shake his head slowly at how bizarre this all was. He caught sight of Merlin again, who had risen from his fall to bob anxiously at the dragon’s side. Something clicked in Arthur’s mind, and he cast a dark look from Merlin to the dragon.

“I thought I killed you.” He said, seething with quite rage. Arthur knew exactly why he was wrong.

“One day, Pendragon, you may be glad you didn’t.” With a last penetrating look at their group, the dragon reared back and launched himself into the sky, the powerful beats of his wings nearly knocking them down. Arthur stared after the brown bag secured to the creature’s claw as he disappeared into the distance.

Arthur’s mission had been to destroy the last dragon egg. Now not only had the dragon egg been released into the world, but it turned out the dragon he killed before was still alive and well.

All thanks to one person.

Arthur cast his eyes down from the dragon shrinking into the distance, and onto the man left in front of him. He took a slow, deliberate step towards him. Then another.

Merlin looked at him like one might look at a grizzly bear, and spoke out tentatively:

“Arthur- “

Arthur flew at him, dropped his sword and punched him square across the face. Merlin hit the floor with a grunt.

“Arthur!” Gwaine and the knights rushed forward to intervene, but Arthur had already paced a couple of steps from Merlin. He wasn’t attacking, just glaring down at him with rage while Merlin stayed hunched on the ground.

“You told me I’d killed the dragon.” He steamed, “you’re not just a liar, you’ve made me a liar as well! And all this time you didn’t tell me, just acted like everything was normal. What do you have to say for yourself?!”

All this time Arthur had yelled down at him, Merlin never looked up. Now he raised himself to his knees, and met the prince’s eyes.

“Everything I do, I do for you. For Camelot. I’m sorry I lied, but I don’t regret saving the dragons.”

Arthur had heard enough. He’d seen enough. Now that the dragon was gone and the egg lost, there was nothing to focus on but the betrayal, the loss of another friend. And here he was, right in front of him, still acting like there was something to salvage. It was unbearable, Arthur felt like his brain was on fire. He needed to clear his head.

“Tie him up. Make sure he can’t talk.”

Arthur picked up his sword and sheathed it, then began walking away.

“Where are you going?” asked Gwaine. Arthur was walking in the opposite direction of their camp.

“To… collect firewood.” Arthur huffed.

Nobody reminded him they already had plenty.


	7. What have you done now?

_THUMP. THUMP. THUMP._

“Above!!”

_< Merlin. What have you done now?>_

The young warlock grimaced as he slipped free of the distracted knights’ grips and darted backwards. A lecture was the last thing he needed right now.

Merlin stumbled as he caught sight of Arthur. He looked terrified to see him beneath Kilgarrah, he didn’t yet understand what was happening.

“I’m sorry Arthur.” Merlin forced the words past the lump in his throat.

_< Merlin>_

Oh God, he’d summoned Kilgarrah. In front of Arthur. Kilgarrah was here in front of Arthur who definitely didn’t kill him-

_< Merlin!>_

_< He still doesn’t know I have magic!>_ Merlin realised in a panic.

“Well, well.” < _That’s interesting. > _

For goodness sake. The downside of telepathy was that Merlin could hardly hear himself think when there was a great big dragon’s thoughts taking up all the room in his head-

< _Do not underestimate what he can figure out. After all he is_ >

“King Arthur, and his knights of the round table.”

Could he tone it down?! Merlin was trying to _think_ here-

“This is a most unexpected meeting.”

Merlin felt his stomach lurch as he realised Kilgarrah was actually _talking to Arthur_.

“Though I imagine more so for you.” Kilgarrah didn’t sound like he understood the gravity of the situation.

_< Don’t make him any angrier!>_ Merlin pleaded.

The prince looked in complete shock, like he’d seen a ghost. Even worse actually- he looked like he’d seen the ghost of a _dragon_.

 “And Merlin.” _< I suppose you don’t need any help doing that.> _The dragon cut in quickly between his words. “I take it things didn’t go to plan?”

Merlin sighed with frustration, it was difficult to cut between thoughts and speech like that. He tried to settle his mind for the task as he spoke to the dragon out loud and lifted off his bag. His heartrate definitely relaxed as he laid his hands on the egg and held it out before him, it’s shiny surface reflecting the sunlight beautifully. Kilgarrah beamed down at it, and Merlin felt the humming of a connection between all three of them.

 “Is it still alive?” he asked just to be sure, though he thought further details should stay just between them.

_< When will it hatch?>_

“It can live for more than a thousand years.” Kilgarrah answered warmly.

_< But it cannot hatch without a dragonlord to call it forth.>_ He sounded less happy in his mind. No wonder.

Merlin wanted to see this dragon born, he wanted to make that happen. But he couldn’t leave his friend now, or he’d never be able to win him back. Whatever small chance there was of that happening, Merlin had to at least try.

“You must take it to safety,”

“I see.” Kilgarrah didn’t need to say anything in his mind, Merlin could feel his disappointment loud and clear. “And must I take you to safety also?”

 “I have some explaining to do,” Merlin said. _< I cannot lose him. I cannot lose our destiny. I’m sorry.> _Merlin poured his sincerity into the words and found the returning silence louder than Kilgarrah’s voice. But though he didn’t say anything, Merlin could see in his eyes he knew this needed to happen. Merlin gently put the egg back in the bag and walked forward to secure it to the dragon’s toe.

“Stop.”

Merlin heart fell to the floor. He looked behind him to see Arthur’s eyes move from him to Kilgarrah, as he drew his sword with a slight tremble. The knights behind him looked around at each other and up at the dragon, before drawing their swords as well.

Merlin was still crouched by Kilgarrah’s toe when the dragon quite inconsiderately shifted and knocked Merlin over.

“Arthur Pendragon,” Oh god, Kilgarrah was flexing. “Before leaving here _undisturbed_ , I shall say this:  It is a great honour to meet you properly.”

If this was a tactic to win over Arthur it didn’t seem to be working, the prince wasn’t reacting at all. Merlin didn’t think anyone knew how to react.

“I hope you will forgive our last encounter.” the beast continued, “I am truly sorry for the destruction I caused.”

_< I don’t think it’s that easy.>_ Merlin muttered to him.

_< You may find inadequate words are better than no words. Forgiveness can only happen in small steps.>_

Arthur had clearly taken no steps, however small. “I thought I killed you.” He seethed.

 

“One day, Pendragon, you may be glad you didn’t.”

 

Merlin watched Arthur’s darkening expression as Kilgarrah took off into the distance. Was Kilgarrah right? Would Arthur be able to forgive him if he didn’t tell him too much at once? Or would withholding parts of the story only make it worse when the truth, the full truth, finally came to light?

Could either way end in forgiveness?

 

A sharp fist knocked Merlin to the ground. He had his answer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, just wanted to say thanks for the warm responses folks! My thirst for attention is thoroughly quenched, and I feel so invigorated I actually came up with a plot for this thing!   
> Also sorry about the short chapters, I can't pay attention to text for longer than 6 tweets.


	8. Traitors

_Morgana towered over Uther, eyes burning._

_“I am your daughter, after all.”_

_Merlin stood frozen in front of him._

_“Stand aside.”_

_“I can’t.” he said quietly._

 

Arthur slashed his sword through the branches hanging in his way. He turned off the path and slashed again, through the branches and shrubbery and anything else in his way, he slashed and screamed and slashed again, and when he was short of breath and hot beneath his chainmail he yelled and swung his sword down into a fallen tree. It stuck, and he collapsed down next to it.

He undid his cloak and pulled off his chainmail, sat back against the tree, and felt its knots under his shoulder blades.

Just a few hours ago everything was normal. They were on a quest to catch the bad guy, Arthur was leading his men, and they would surely triumph. Merlin was cracking jokes, teasing Arthur, light as ever.

But he was on his own dark mission the whole time. And not just this time, for years now, maybe the entire time Arthur had known him. If he’d ever actually known him. It was just like-

 

_“Don’t look so surprised,” she hissed down at the King. “I’ve known for some time.”_

 

Arthur buried his head in his hands. He felt a gaping hole forming in his chest, and realised he had no best friend. The man he thought was his best friend, he didn’t know at all.

Who was Merlin then? A good liar, certainly. A traitor? Well, the proof was all there. A criminal mastermind?

 

_“Just looking for wormwood sire! The worms are particularly active at this time.”_

 

That was a hard idea to reconcile.

Merlin was a traitor, yes, clearly, but he wasn’t exactly… good at it. After all, they caught him red-handed stealing the egg. He conspired to steal it with the most obviously untrustworthy person on the planet, who no doubt betrayed him as soon as Merlin brought him the Triskelion. He had… he must have stolen the keys when he was trying to pull Arthur’s trousers up! What criminal mastermind would resort to that stunt? And the bloody _wormwood_.

If anything, this all reflected badly on Arthur for not suspecting him sooner.

An uncomfortable thought crept into Arthur’s head. Merlin was always doing weird things, was that all part of this conspiracy? Has he been playing a fool all this time so he can get away with suspicious behaviour and treacherous acts?

Or was he just weird?

Maybe the fact he was an idiot actually helped him be a good liar. If anyone could just forget they were a dragonlord for a time, it was Merlin. How often did it even come up? Arthur doubted the ability to command dragons ever helped him clean armour faster. In fact, maybe Merlin was so slow with his chores because he was routinely sneaking off to talk to his dragon.

Arthur stared at the ground dumbfounded. _Merlin_ has a _dragon_.

But why… why would someone with a _dragon_ keep a job doing someone else’s laundry, cleaning their stables, fetching meals? He can’t have been pretending the _whole_ time, because what would the point be. If Merlin wanted power, he could have taken it a long time ago.

The thought of Merlin laying siege to Camelot was enough to make Arthur decide that he definitely was not a criminal mastermind lying in wait.

He… he wasn’t Morgana.

Or not exactly anyway. He was still a traitor. He had still lied.

He had still released not one, but _two_ dragons into the world. Knowing the beast which destroyed half of Camelot was alive was bad enough, but soon the egg would hatch, and there would be another monster loose in the kingdom. Arthur hadn’t been able to kill one dragon, two would be impossible.

Killing the dragon had been one if his proudest moments, and charging at it had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He could remember the heat of its breath on his armour, see his men knocked down like toys, feel the terror of knowing he was next. Arthur’s stomach curdled at the thought it was all for nothing. He felt outrageous shame knowing he hadn’t protected his people.

When Arthur thought of how his Father used to be, he thought of him greeting him after he faced the dragon, beaming proudly at him. Now that memory was shattered.

How could Arthur go home knowing all this? How could he possibly face his people knowing he had let them all down? Not just by failing to kill the dragon years ago, but again today when he had stood there, sword in hand, completely gormless. The dragon had even _talked_ to him, _patronised_ him with an empty apology, an obvious lie.

Obvious to most at least.

 

_“Everything I do, I do for you. For Camelot.”_

Well. Arthur would put that to the test.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops! Just did a quick edit cos I forgot Uther was actually dead at this point. RIP!


	9. Fractions and Reactions

It was a quiet walk back to camp for the knights and Merlin, and not just because Merlin’s mouth was bound. None of the knights were as angry as Arthur, which was almost a relief, but they all seemed just as distrustful. Merlin kept his eyes on the ground, but could still feel their wary glances as they trudged slowly through the forest. Leon and Elyan held his arms tightly, ready if he tried to slip loose again.

The world felt surreal. Every snap of a twig underfoot and every rustle in the tree above was amplified. Merlin could feel his heartbeat pumping in his head, could feel every fibre in the rope around his wrist. The fabric tied around his head stretched the corners of his mouth and had a slightly sweaty taste to it. Elyan had spared him the discomfort of a rope gag, and instead used Merlin’s own neckerchief.

So here he was, a traitor, bound and gagged with his own neckerchief. Coursing with adrenaline but unable to do anything, loosing all his friends but unable to say anything. In an instant he’d seen the lies his life was built on come tumbling down, and the instants since had been worse and worse.

And Arthur didn’t even know the half of it! His life was destroyed over his third biggest secret. Third! If Arthur reacted this badly to him being a dragonlord, he shuddered to think what would have happened if he’d seen him use magic.

To be fair, most of the time Merlin used his magic to help Arthur. It was pretty bad luck he’d been caught committing treason one of the few times it wasn’t to save his life. But this was important too, Arthur just needed to understand! But he was so stubborn, he might not let him explain at all, just leave him gagged until a trial at Camelot, when it would be too late to fix things. Maybe, Merlin thought, he should call Kilgarrah back to explain the net benefits of Dragons for the land. Now there’s someone Arthur couldn’t ignore!

They were back at camp now, so Leon and Elyan dutifully sat Merlin at the base of a tree and tied him to it. The sun was setting; most of the knights went about in silence readying their bed rolls, while Gwaine slumped down in the middle of camp to restart the fire. He had a grim expression on his face, and seemed to avoid looking at Merlin. The young warlock looked around at his friends, each of them miserable and sunk in their own thoughts. He bowed his head. This was all his fault.

Merlin had been staring at the ground for some time when a pair of feet appeared before him.

“Did you poison us?”

Merlin looked up, confused. Leon was glaring down at him, stew pot under his arm.

The knights all looked around at each other now, some casting furtive glances at Merlin. Gwaine scoffed.

“What?” Leon snapped at Gwaine. “He made it. He had motive.”

“Merlin wouldn’t do that.”

“None of us know what Merlin would or wouldn’t do.” He glanced back down briefly, and the ice in his eyes made Merlin flinch. Merlin had been so focused on Arthur’s reaction; he’d barely contemplated how much his friends turning on him would hurt. Leon had clearly been simmering for a while, and now he was ready to blow. He turned his back on Merlin and addressed his friends.

“You all weren’t there when the dragon attacked. It was…” He let out a shaky breath. “I had to pull people out of burning buildings, whole families lost everything. We lost people. Camelot was nearly destroyed. I rode out among the knights to face it, felt it’s fire on my shield, we were near cooked alive in our own armour, and now…”

He turned to face Merlin. His eyes were shiny with tears of rage. Merlin’s were filling with sorrow.

“Now I find out you could have stopped it all along.”

Hang on. What?

“What do you mean?” Elyan asked.

“He’s a dragonlord,” Leon turned to his friend, “He could have stopped the beast all along-“

“I’m not sure that’s how it works.” Percival pipped up softly, reading Merlin’s face.

Leon shook his head, “It is. That’s why they went on the quest to find one, only we had one already!”

Merlin was shaking his head now, but Leon wasn’t looking at him.

Gwaine was, thankfully. He stood to his feet.

“Why don’t we let our present expert on dragonlords explain how it works?” He moved towards Merlin.

Leon sidestepped to put himself solidly between them.

“He stays as he is until Arthur says otherwise.”

“Look,” Gwaine squared up, “Maybe Arthur’s happy not knowing what the hell is happening right now, but I myself need answers.” He placed a hand on Leon’s shoulder.

“Stand aside.”

“No.”

“Look maybe you two should calm down.” Elyan rose to his feet along with Percival as Leon smacked Gwaine’s hand down. The two tried to get between they’re friends as Gwaine tried to push Leon aside. Merlin wanted to yell at them to stop but only muffled sounds came out, completely drowned out by the knights own yelling-

“MEN!”

 Merlin’s head snapped round. None of them had seen Arthur approaching from the side. At the sound of his voice the fight instantly dissolved, Leon and Gwaine stalking a few feet away from each other.

Merlin let some of the tension seep out of his body, and slouched back against the tree, focusing on its rough bark against his head. The situation was still dire, but at least his friends weren’t about to kill each other. Merlin caught Arthur’s eyes for a moment, but his friend quickly looked away and put on the regal face of a leader.

He didn’t have any firewood. 

 


	10. The Mission

“Explain to me what’s going on here.”

Gone a couple of hours and already there was infighting. Arthur’s immediate thought was to reprimand his men, (especially Gwaine,) but then… given the circumstances he thought better of it. It would be a bit hypocritical to lecture them on outbursts, he supposed.

“We just had a few questions for our prisoner. Sire.” Gwaine piped up with a light tone that didn’t reach his eyes.

Everyone was looking expectantly at Arthur. He caught eyes with Leon, who was standing on guard. He gave his right-hand man a nod. Leon nodded curtly back and turned to loosen the fabric from Merlin’s mouth. Arthur only just noticed it was his own scarf.

Arthur breathed steadily as he moved to stand in front of Merlin, who kept his eyes on him the whole time. Arthur looked back with what he hoped was a strong, emotionless expression. Merlin wasn’t his friend anymore, he was a criminal, and had to be treated as such.

The knights were restless around him, still tense from their fight, waiting for Arthur to let Merlin talk, explain, answer their questions and try to garner their sympathies. Merlin himself looked keen to talk underneath his solemn expression, waiting for Arthur to give him permission to pour his heart out.

Well he could keep the stupid thing.

“Where did it take the egg?”

“What?”

“Where,” Arthur punctuated slowly this time, “did the dragon. Take the egg?”

After a heartbeat Merlin finally broke eye contact, flicking them to the ground.

“Merlin.”

“I don’t know.” He uttered, still looking away.

“I don’t believe you.” Arthur said, his voice stern. “You arranged to meet the dragon in that clearing, where did you order it to do that?”

Merlin looked up, “I…” the sentence caught in his throat.

Was it a lie or the truth he was struggling to choke out?

Arthur unsheathed his sword. Merlin was just another prisoner, just another prisoner, just another prisoner. This is what Arthur did to intimidate prisoners, it was just a show, he wouldn’t do anything. Not unless he had to. He suppressed a small shake in his hand and held the sword at his side. Merlin looked up at him with a hint of… fear. And sorrow. It was an awful combination.

“I can’t let you hurt them.” Merlin said quietly, screwing his eyes closed. “You don’t understand the good they can bring.”

Arthur clenched his jaw. The idiot had some nerve telling him what he did and didn’t understand, as if he’d ever been in any real danger around that thing. He hadn’t walked out to face the dragon as Arthur’s equal at all, he’d just used him as a distraction while Arthur thought he was walking to his death.

“I understand all too well what they’ll bring.” He said with venom.

Merlin looked at Arthur, eyes glossy, and shook his head slowly.

“That won’t happen again.”

“It could.”

“I won’t let it.” Merlin’s eyes were piercing into Arthur so intensely he had to look away. He saw his knights standing close around, listening intently.

Enough. He had to lead his men and complete his mission, not allow a traitor control of his own interrogation.

“Tell us where they are Merlin, stop making this worse.” He commanded, hoping his voice was steady.

 “If you just let me explain-“

“I don’t want your explanations!” Arthur snapped, a quake in his voice. “I want you to make this right.”

“Arthur,” Elyan spoke out tentatively from behind, “We have some questions-“

“No!” Arthur spun round to face his men. Why were they looking at him like that? He wasn’t the one who could control dragons!

He… tempered his voice a little anyway.

“We still have our mission; catch the traitor, destroy the dragon. Only now there are two dragons and a different traitor.”

Arthur turned to shoot a cold look at Merlin, but his eyes weren’t there to meet him. Merlin had finally looked away, though Arthur didn’t know if he felt better or worse for it. His ex-friend was staring at the ground, eyes glistening with hurt. Arthur’s breath hitched at the sight, so he turned back to face his men.

“We’ll make camp for the night, and head South in the morning. That’s the direction the dragon was headed. There will be no more questions tonight.” Arthur turned his head towards Leon, who was still holding the neckerchief. “Make sure the prisoner is secure.”

Arthur strode through the group and went to ready his bed role. After a while someone fetched the food provisions from Merlin’s pack and they ate their dinners cold, in silence and separately. When nightfall came Arthur lay down at the furthest point away from Merlin, staring out in the opposite direction.

He did not sleep.


	11. Good Knight

 

All these days of adventure, chasing Borden, running from his friends, sweating under the intensity of Arthur's gaze had left Merlin with one very concerning problem...

His neckerchief.

Of sure, he'd lost all his friends, put a target on the last dragon, and would most likely be executed when they got back to Camelot, but right now, in this moment, Merlin's biggest regret was not washing his neckerchief before this quest. Of course, it hadn't smelt so bad when it was around his neck, but funnily enough having it shoved in his mouth gave Merlin an entirely new perspective.

He supposed he should be grateful really. The sweaty, saliva-soaked fabric was enough to ruin his appetite for the meal he wasn't getting and thinking about it did provide some distraction.

At least until Leon started his night's watch.

Merlin glanced up at him as he strode by, but the knight made no eye contact as he sat down against a near-by tree. He sat stiffly, facing out away from the group and into the shadows. Though he wasn't looking at Merlin, the young warlock felt very seen. He thought if Leon did turn to face him, his eyes might just cut him clean through.

Merlin faced forwards again, this time looking up from the ground. Arthur was already lying under his blanket, facing away from Merlin, and the rest of the knights were readying their bedrolls silently.

Gwaine looked over at him and paused for a moment. He didn't look angry, but he was quiet and serious in a way that Merlin had never seen before. His eyes left Merlin's and floated over his shoulder, to where Leon was. He looked around pensively and glanced at Merlin again, before laying down on his camp facing the canopy above.

All the knights were on their bedrolls now, all facing either outwards or upwards. There was no banter tonight, no merry tales around the fire, just a long, heavy silence.

Merlin let out a shaky breath. This was all his fault. Arthur wasn’t going to let go of this “mission” anytime soon, and now Merlin would have a hard time explaining anything without giving away he could summon Kilgarrah for execution at any time. But he needed to explain, as there was no chance Arthur would leave the dragon alone if he didn’t know what good he had done.

But then there was the question of how much to explain. All the help Kilgarrah had given Merlin was wrapped up with his other secrets, with his magic and prophecies and Morgana. The secrets he’d hoped not to reveal may be the only proof of Kilgarrah’s allegiance.

And even they may not be enough to save the dragons. To be honest, Merlin himself had never truly forgiven Kilgarrah for attacking Camelot. Or forgiven himself. Leon may have been wrong about him being able to stop the dragon during the attack, but it was Merlin who released him in the first place. He’d had good reason, but it would be impossible to explain that without going into everything that led up to that moment. He would have to tell Arthur about his magic. He would have to reveal Gaius, his accomplice. He would have to tell the truth about what he’d done to Morgana. Arthur would _never_ forgive him for that.

And seeing the way Leon had reacted to the idea that the dragon attack had been his fault, there was no way Merlin could bring himself to face that same hatred from Arthur. He knew that made him a coward, and a liar, but he just couldn’t do it. Like Kilgarrah said, an inadequate explanation was better sometimes. There was no way Merlin could explain everything all at once, and there was little chance Arthur would let him finish without running him through. He had reacted violently enough to the little he knew so far, learning everything might just cause his head to explode.

Merlin furrowed his brow as he contemplated what he could feasibly tell Arthur, what threads of the story he could pull out without unravelling his whole life. He thought back over all the times Kilgarrah had helped him, and carefully considered their order. Nothing from before his escape could creep in. Arthur had to believe this started with Balinor, he had to believe Merlin had been honest for at least the first years of their friendship, or they could never go back to that.

Was there any way back to that?

Merlin mulled this over, and some time had passed when he heard a shuffle behind him. Merlin peered round to see Leon taking a swig from his waterskin, and without meaning to Merlin leaned slightly towards it. Leon sensed the motion and glanced sharply at him. Merlin leaned back, but couldn't help gulping dryly at the sight of the dripping waterskin. He looked away from it and fixed his eyes at the ground, hoping Leon would turn his cold gaze back to the forest.

He hadn't. Out of the corner of his eye Merlin could tell he was still staring, and after a few moments he heard more shuffling and felt Leon tug his head back sharply. He screwed his eyes shut, expecting another punch to the face. What he felt instead was the neckerchief loosen around his jaw before whipping away quickly. He opened his eyes.

Leon's face was still stone cold as he lifted the waterskin to Merlin's mouth, and Merlin immediately understood that this was an act of duty, not friendship. He accepted it all the same, thankful for the long-needed drink and break from the foul-tasting neckerchief. He licked his lips gratefully as Leon drew the waterskin away.

Without looking at him, the knight stood and walked out of sight. Merlin shuffled around the tree a small way to see where he'd gone, but he soon re-appeared from where the horses were tied up. He was holding a small hunk of bread and cheese.

Merlin gave him a smile, which soon fell off under the knight's contemptuous gaze. Again, Merlin was reminded that this was just responsibility, not kindness. He knew Leon was always fair to everyone under his charge, no matter their crime. Even traitors needed to eat.

Leon fed him small chunks of the food until it was gone, never speaking, never looking Merlin in the eye. By the time they were finished Merlin's stomach was satisfied, his thirst quenched, but he thought the emptiness in Leon's eyes might just kill him anyway. It was so crushing he had to say something.

"Leon..." he said quietly.

The knight shot him a burning look. He reached for the neckerchief.

"I couldn't stop it any sooner."

Leon slowed.

“I wasn’t a dragonlord until my father died. I didn’t know how to use my power until the second I did, the last possible second. I wish it had been sooner too. I tried, I… I tried.”

It wasn’t the whole picture, but it was the truth. Merlin had done all he could.

Leon didn’t say anything. He just stared down at the neckerchief in his hands, slowly twisting it between his fingers. Merlin couldn’t read his expression at all, but he supposed that was better than reading pure contempt.

Leon looked up and studied Merlin’s face for a moment, before placing the neckerchief on the ground.

“Quiet now.” He ordered, his voice low.

The knight moved back to his original position and looked out into the night. Leon sat the same as before, he looked away from Merlin the same as before. But something had changed. Just a small thing, but Merlin felt the tightness in his chest alleviate slightly. He breathed out through his mouth, leant back into the tree, and closed his eyes.


	12. Morning

_“Stand aside or I cut you down!”_

Merlin woke with a start and immediately felt the ropes strain against his body. He collapsed back against the tree and let out a shudder. He had slept restlessly, dreaming of nothing but the day before and… wait hang on, he was shivering because he was freezing! He’d had nothing but the clothes on his back to fend off the cold all night, so any warmth he had must have seeped into the ground long ago.

Actually, the memory of yesterday was so depressing it left him immobile to even shiver. His body stilled and seemed to sink as he looked over at Arthur, still facing away from him even in his sleep.

Merlin shifted his legs to try and shake the numbness creeping into them. He had been out for a few hours it seemed, as it was clear that the first touch of daylight was just creeping into the air. He was surprised he’d gotten any sleep to be honest, but then the previous day had been… Eventful. Tiring. Emotionally and physically exhausting, he supposed.

Merlin suddenly felt a tingle on the back of his neck. He was being watched. He looked to his side to see not Leon, but Percival on watch now. Merlin must have slept through their shift change. Unlike his previous guard, Percy was sat towards Merlin, looking directly at him. Merlin opened his mouth as if to greet him, but found no words came out. He remembered he was meant to be gagged, but Percival clearly hadn’t reacted to the fact he wasn’t, in fact he wasn’t reacting to Merlin at all. He was just watching, his expression unreadable.

Merlin’s mouth was still open.

“Morning…”

“Morning.” Percival responded softly. After a beat Merlin had to look away. Casting his eyes downwards, he caught site of Percy’s bandaged leg and immediately his physician’s training kicked in.

“That bandage needs changing.” He said, nodding his head towards it.

“It does.” Percival said, finally glancing away from Merlin for a second to look at his frayed bandage. He looked back up soon enough. “But didn’t the bandages fly away in your med bag?”

There wasn’t any spite in Percival’s voice, but Merlin flushed all the same.

“I took them out,” he stammered with a little shake of his head. “I put them in my sleeping pack. If you’re able you can-”

Merlin stopped as a motion caught his eye; Gwaine had risen from his camp in an awake and purposeful motion. He gave them both a nod as he stood and walked towards the horses.

“I got them.”

Merlin watched his friend walk for a moment with a raised brow, then turned back to Percival. His look was still hard to read but… he definitely wasn’t angry. They looked at each other while listening to the loud sounds of Gwaine rifling through bags. Merlin glanced over at Arthur to check he was still asleep as Gwaine walked back over.

“Here we go.” Gwaine was opening the thin drawstring bag Merlin had stuffed his med supplies in. He plunged his hand in and pulled out some bandages.

“You should wash your hands.” Merlin hesitated, knowing he wasn’t meant to be speaking, but continued. “So you don’t infect the wound.”

“Aye, good point.” Gwaine nodded at Merlin, then turned to Percival with a wry smile. “You don’t want any of my diseases, trust me.”

With a wink he fished out a small bar of soap and washed his hands with water from his flask. He smiled at them both as he did so, as if it were a normal day, as if ignoring the tension could make it go away.

Percival remained stoic and got on with unwrapping his old bandage. He said little as Gwaine changed his dressing, only humming in response to Gwaine, who seemed to be making an effort to stay chipper and ask Merlin for advice. Merlin knew Gwaine knew how to change a bandage, but he answered his questions all the same. He couldn’t help but glance over at Arthur often, worried the chatter might-

He was awake.

Merlin paled. Arthur still seemed to be sleeping, he hadn’t moved an inch- but that’s what was wrong. He was too still. No tossing, no rolling, no snoring, none of his regular twitches. He was breathing lightly as he did when hunting, and now Merlin focused he could see the slight tension in his shoulders. He’d been awake this whole time. Awake and listening.

“Merlin.”

Percival called his attention back and they locked eyes.

“Breathe.” He instructed. Merlin let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding.

Gwaine was also looking at him, his chipper façade gone. “It’s okay mate.” He said gently.

Merlin’s eyes darted between them all. Now he knew Arthur was awake he didn’t want to say anymore. Although, Arthur must have been awake for long enough to hear him talking and hadn’t done anything yet. So what should he do?

Merlin looked at Percival’s perfectly bandaged leg. “You’re done.” He said quietly. He leaned back against the tree and shifted away from them slightly. Gwaine furrowed his brow and stood up in front of him.

“Merlin-“

“Remember to feed the horses.” He cut his friend off and looked at the ground. Gwaine seemed frustrated but got the message, so stalked away to busy himself.

Merlin stayed silent as the other knights rose and got on with their own chores as well as his. Gwaine fed the horses as advised, Leon and Elyan readied breakfast. Arthur sat up slowly and packed his bedroll without looking at Merlin once.


	13. To Kill a Spitfire Bird

"I couldn't stop it any sooner."

Arthur was on the verge of jumping up to scare Merlin silent, but instead he stayed still as the fool rambled on.

“I wasn’t a dragonlord until my father died. I didn’t know how to use my power until the second I did, the last possible second. I wish it had been sooner too. I tried, I… I tried.”

Arthur let this information wash over him. Merlin became a dragonlord when his father died. That’s how it worked, that’s when it happened, that’s when everything changed. So, who Merlin was wasn’t a complete fabrication, there was a time when he had lived honestly.

Although, if he was this good at lying then it’s not like Arthur would know the difference.

Leon told him to be quiet, which must mean the knight had decided not to force his silence with the scarf. He’d gotten in Leon’s head, just like that. Again, Arthur felt the urge to stand up and correct the problem, but again he stayed down. Seeming to be asleep gave him room to think, no one was waiting for him to react. He could finally just think.

His mind immediately cast back to facing the dragon. He remembered now, as the beast had targeted the knights Arthur had heard yelling in the background: Merlin yelling “Stop!”. He’d ignored it at the time, thinking that it was a redundant act, thinking of course the dragon wouldn’t react. And it hadn’t.

So, Merlin really didn’t know how to use his powers that night. Arthur had to relate to Leon, it was a small comfort to know Merlin hadn’t just stood by and watched Camelot burn while he had the power to stop it. Arthur thought back to the day Balinor died. Merlin had been so quiet afterwards, right up until they were about to ride out to face the dragon. He must have been panicking the whole time knowing it was up to him to stop the beast. And in shock of course, after Balinor’s death.

Oh God, Arthur had told him his own father “wasn’t worth his tears”. His heart plunged. It had only been a few weeks since Arthur’s own Father died, and he still thought of him near constantly. Merlin had been there with him in the aftermath, always there for him to talk to. Arthur started to feel guilty about his poor choice of words as Merlin had gone through the same thing, but alone.

But all the secrets, they weren’t necessary! Arthur’s regret morphed to frustration as he came back to the key issue; the lies. Merlin should have come clean as soon as he realised Balinor was his Father, whenever that was. Uther was prepared to pardon Balinor for his help, the same would be true of Merlin. And then…

Things would go back to normal? With his dragonlord manservant? It felt like a betrayal to think poorly of his so recently passed father, but Arthur had to admit the man could be stubborn. He would have hardly tolerated a dragonlord in his castle, not after he fought so hard to vanquish them during the Purge, them and the dragons.

Arthur’s mind sank back to the dragons, the other key issue. His Father had spent years wiping them out and imprisoned the very last one, and now it was free and there was another loose, all on Arthur’s watch. They weren’t just a danger, they were a great black stain on Father’s legacy. Arthur needed to find them, no matter how difficult the task may be. And he needed to do it now. The thought of going back to Camelot and telling his court what happened made him sick to the stomach. Tell everyone the beast that had attacked them was still on the loose? Tell them there’s two now? Tell them it was all because of his own manservant?

And then there was Merlin. Arthur was King now; he’d have to pass a sentence on Merlin. He would have to…

But the dragons. There’s still the dragons to deal with, they are the priority. And Merlin, traitor though he is, is the only man on the planet with any expertise on them, so Arthur needed him along on the quest. He was withholding information now, sure, but he would crack, Arthur just needed convince him of the danger. And he could be convinced. After all Merlin hates hunting, but he still eats meat. It’s necessary for their survival. And hunting the dragons is absolutely necessary for everyone’s survival.

Of course, it isn’t exactly game they’re hunting. There are no tracks along the ground, no trace of waste or sleeping grounds.  But that didn’t mean it was impossible, Arthur would just have to think of it as a big bird! It still needed to eat, sleep, and roost, so they just needed to find it’s nest. And then they’d need to figure out how to kill a 40-foot bird that breathes fire and spits out death and destruction.

But finding it came first. Arthur let his mind wonder over how to find it, what the plan was. Thinking about such practical things was almost peaceful, and as close as he’d got to rest the whole night. In fact, he’d almost managed to put a certain traitor out of his mind when he suddenly detected a quiet voice in the background.

“Morning…”

Morning?! Was the idiot really-

“Morning.” Percival responded softly.

Arthur made sure he was very still so he could hone his attention in on their conversation. He wasn’t usually one to spy on his own men, but these day’s it seemed everyone had something to hide.

Their talk turned out to be pretty mundane, and necessary actually, although Arthur was slightly surprised when Gwaine seemed to jump into it already wide awake. He supposed it made sense he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep, but it did annoy Arthur to hear how light and normal Gwaine was trying to make everything. How could he just breeze past Merlin’s lies so fast?

Merlin stopped responding to him at some point, and Arthur heard his men move to get about their day. Arthur was usually one of the first ones up, but today he just couldn’t bring himself to rise, to face it all. Of course, the longer he left it the further away the dragon might be, the less time he actually had a mission to work towards. Arthur compromised by getting up slowly.

Arthur’s stomach was starting to rumble by the time Elyan handed him a bowl of porridge. With Merlin out the picture, the extra chores had thrown everyone off their own routines. Arthur started to feel guilty about his late start, so when everyone had eaten he collected up their bowls to wash.

“I’ll take that.” He said to Elyan as he walked over to collect the cooking pot.

Elyan hesitated. “There’s some left.”

The knight didn’t need to voice his question for Arthur to understand what he was asking. He looked over at Merlin, who was looking down but clearly listening.

“Fine.” Arthur huffed out as he walked off, leaving the spare portion in its pot. Arthur reached the stream and washed the dishes, and Elyan turned up to clean the emptied cooking pot not long after.

Elyan kept his eyes down, as if he were guilty of something. Arthur ground his teeth together, annoyed. They always fed their prisoners at least something before long journeys, Arthur always approved of this, he wasn’t a sadist! But now he was treated as though he wouldn’t allow it, as if he were some tyrant. He scooped up the bowls and turned to face Elyan.

“You don’t need my permission to feed prisoners, we always feed prisoners.” Arthur said sternly. He started to walk back. “And he’s just another prisoner.”

“Arthur.”

Arthur stopped, but didn’t turn around.

“This can’t go on. We need to hear what-“

“I’ll listen to Merlin when he has something useful to say.” Arthur cut in bluntly and walked away, making it clear the conversation was over.

Merlin could either tell them where the dragon was or tell them nothing at all. Arthur would decide what to do with him after the threat was eliminated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stole some words from 'Spitfire' by Public Service Broadcasting (cracking tune!)  
> Will be posting less often after this, I rather stupidly started this fic just a few weeks before my big move/summer job so I'm about to become SWAMPED. I know the shape of the story though so it will get finished at some point, I won't leave ye all hanging!


	14. Not You

“The dragon came from and was headed South due West, but didn’t quite angle itself to cross the River Exir. The only thing in that direction before the river is a forest and a few small villages right up until the sea, and then you get to sheer cliffs and caverns within them. My guess is that’s where the dragon is.”

“Unless he turned in a different direction later.”

Merlin wished he could send Gwaine a mental message to shut up without revealing he was a full-blown sorcerer, but unfortunately, he had to suffer in silence. Arthur had summoned the knights to huddle a little way away from Merlin, where they could see him, but he shouldn’t be able to hear. Merlin focused on staring at the ground and looking like he wasn’t listening in, all the while using his magic to hone in on their conversation.

“If that happened, _Sir Gwaine_ , then someone may have seen it.” Arthur responded through gritted teeth. “After all a huge dragon in broad daylight is hard to miss. We’ll pass through the villages and ask around on our way to the caverns.”

“That’s Odin’s land.” Percival pointed out.

“Which is why we’ll be subtle.” Arthur said, as if it were easy. “No cloaks, no chainmail. We’ll conceal our swords. We’ll travel off road until we’re safely over the border, then the area we’re headed to is sparsely populated and under-patrolled. We’ll be fine.”

Leon looked uneasy. “Shouldn’t we head back to Camelot first? To regroup?”

“We don’t have time for that. We have enough food for tomorrow, then we’ll reach the first village and be able to get more.”

Arthur was being confident, assertive, and completely fool hardy. When had _any_ of their quests ever gone so smoothly? Merlin could see him sense the knights’ uncertainty, but he refused to back down.

“Look I know it will be tough, but we’ve survived worse than this. So long as we work as a team we’ll be fine, we just need to move quickly and quietly while-“

“While the trails still fresh?” Gwaine cut in, mockery on the edge of his voice. He ignored Arthur’s glare and carried on, looking to the sky and shading his eyes with his hand. “Can you point out the trail Sire, I don’t quite see it-”

“If you want to leave, Gwaine, you can.” Arthur said, his voice cold.

Gwaine glanced at Merlin, then met Arthur’s eyes and huffed out a small laugh.

“No,” he shook his head, “No I think you’ll need all the help you can get.”

“Then you’ll hold your tongue.” Arthur commanded coldly. He looked around at the knights and spoke in a kinder tone. “None of you are obliged to come with me. We’re going to kill a dragon, that isn’t easy. I’ve already failed at it before. If any man here wishes to leave, he can do so, without judgement.”

The knights looked around at each other. “We’re with you Arthur.” Leon nodded.

“Right then.” Arthur gave them a grateful smile. “Lets-“

“Arthur.” Percival interrupted hesitantly. “What about Merlin?”

Merlin could see the muscle in Arthur’s jaw tighten.

“What about Merlin…” he echoed. Arthur’s eyes suddenly caught Merlin’s, who looked down quickly in surprise. _Subtle!_ He chastised himself.

He heard footsteps. _Uh oh._ Merlin looked up to see Arthur standing above him with folded arms, the knights gathering behind.

“Ready to tell us where the dragons are?”

Merlin held his tongue, but knew he should say something to diffuse the situation. What though?

Arthur nodded and turned back to face the knights.

“Clearly he’s insane.”

Now hold on!

“The dragon has tricked-“

“The dragon hasn’t tricked me, I just don’t want you to kill him!” Merlin cut in, indignant.

Arthur whipped back round to look at him. “It’s a dangerous magical creature-“

“He’s not anymore, he’s-“

“And we’re going to find it and put an end to dragons for good.” Arthur spoke loudly to drown out Merlin, who huffed frustratedly.

“You can’t just ride into Odin’s land and start asking around about dragons!”

“Our mission strategy is none of your concern anymore.” Arthur said sassily. He bent to pick up the neckerchief still lying on the ground from last night. Merlin’s eyes widened as he realised there was something urgent he needed to say.

“Wait!” Merlin jerked his head back as Arthur came towards him with the gag. “I... I need the privy.”

Arthur scowled and paused for a second before continuing.

“You don’t need to speak for that.” He said, tying the cloth onto Merlin’s head tightly.

He stood up and put his hands on his hips, frowning down for a moment. Merlin looked up at him, brow furrowed. He hadn’t exactly diffused the situation.

“Any volunteers?” Arthur asked, turning to the knights.

Gwaine raised his eyebrows and stepped forward. “Well sure.”

“Not you.”

The words hung in the air for a moment. Gwaine and Arthur stared at each other like they were waiting to see who would blink first.

 Gwaine raised his brows. “Do you think,” He spoke slowly, “he would run even if I let him? He could have flown out of here if he wanted.”

Arthur cocked his head towards Merlin slightly before looking back with purse lips.

“Don’t take too long.” He finally said, walking past Gwaine. “And you can tie him into his saddle when you’re back.”

Gwaine flashed Merlin a wink as he came over to untie him. Merlin felt his body ache as he got up and resisted the urge to stretch his limbs. They walked towards the stream, Gwaine holding him by the arm, but as soon as they were out of sight Gwaine took his hands off him.

“Bleh. That thing’s got a twig stuck to it.” He gestured to the gag; Merlin just shrugged in response. Gwaine moved round behind Merlin and undid the knot. “I’ll give it a wash.”

“Thank you.” Merlin said hesitantly once the fabric slipped loose. He stretched his jaw and gave his arms and legs a wiggle as Gwaine pre-occupied himself with washing the fabric. The knight was knelt by the stream, not even looking at the prisoner he was supposed to be guarding.

Merlin sighed and turned to a tree to relieve himself. Gwaine had been right of course, Merlin had no intention of running away. But still, the thought of Arthur seeing such leniency made Merlin feel uneasy.

“You shouldn’t rile him up.”

Gwaine responded with a small chuckle. “You’re one to talk.”

“Exactly. I’m enough of a problem, don’t you be one too.” Merlin warned. He fastened his belt and walked over, kneeling down next to his friend to rinse his hands and take a drink.

“He’ll come around you know.”

Gwaine looked at Merlin as he squeezed the water out of the neckerchief. He didn’t look wary of him at all.

“Why…” Merlin swallowed. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“None of us hate you Merlin. It’s just taking some of us longer to remember that.”

He stood up and reached a helping hand down to Merlin, who took it gratefully and rose to Gwaine’s level.

“I’ll be honest,” the knight said, smoothing out the neckerchief between his hands, “I don’t trust your scaly friend, I rather see Arthur’s point on all that. I sense there’s more to the story though, so as soon as Arthur’s done with this nonsense, “He flapped the neckerchief before moving to tie it back around Merlin’s head, “I’ll be happy to hear what you’ve got to say.”

Gwaine finished tying the gag on, which felt considerably looser than before, and slapped his hand onto Merlin’s shoulder. They started to walk back, but after a couple of steps Gwaine paused.

“Oh, and Merlin, I’ve got to know.” He looked him in the eye. “ _Have_ you ever flown?”

_Of course_ that’s the first thing Gwaine would want to know. Merlin couldn’t speak, but he twitched his eyebrows up and smiled with his eyes.

Gwaine’s face split into a grin.

“Brilliant!” The man chuckled. “Absolutely brilliant.” He gave Merlin’s hair a playful ruffle before marching him back to camp.

Merlin breathed deeply through the damp, clean cloth, and thought it quite refreshing. The day was starting to look a brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really appreciate all the positive feedback on this! I'm still off on my travels so it'll be a while before the next chapter, I'll get back to it asap though x


	15. Impressive Mental Acrobatics

They set off riding back through the waterfall they entered by and straddled the base of the cliff down south, eventually leaving it to ride through dense, forested hills far from the main road. It was slow-going, as the uneven ground and the dense trees meant they had to ride single file, and riding with a prisoner slowed them because Merlin’s reins were tethered to Leon’s. They had bound his hands and sat him backwards in his saddle so he couldn’t control his horse, instead facing Elyan, who was the rear guard. Arthur was glad he was at the front where no one could see his face; he was free look as miserable as he felt.

The fact they were being stealthy meant there was little cause for talking, which frankly Arthur preferred. He couldn’t bear to hear a word from the group’s most talkative member, and the second-most talkative hadn’t exactly been making this situation any easier, so Arthur was grateful for the knight’s silence now.

The annoyance from this morning still lingered though. Why did Gwaine have to undermine him so much? Sure, Merlin was his friend, but even he had to see how big the betrayal was. Instead he was acting like there was still something to salvage, like Merlin, despite everything, was still one of them.

But he just couldn’t be.

Even if Merlin flipped completely, told them where the dragons were, helped destroy them, begged forgiveness, then it still wouldn’t change the fact he’d betrayed them. The magnitude of his treason, the length of it, the pure volume of lies he’d told was staggering. How could they go back from that? How could Arthur ever trust him like he had before? After a night’s worth of deliberation, Arthur had generously assumed his protection of the dragons stemmed from naivety and not evil. But even then, it must have taken some degree of… indifference... towards Arthur, to lie about it with such ease. Merlin was a different person than the one Arthur had been friends with, if it ever really was friendship.

But wasn’t it?

Gwaine was right about one thing, if Merlin had wanted to leave, he could have done. If he truly felt indifferent towards Arthur, he could have told his dragon to knock them all down like toys. Even if he didn’t, he still could have flown away and left them behind. Instead he stayed, he stayed on his knees awaiting Arthur’s judgement. And he knew what that judgement must be. The sentence has always been for the same for traitors.

Not that Arthur would… well, Merlin was just being stupid, more monumentally stupid than ever before mind, but still just stupid. That’s hardly a crime punishable by death. Although if he were tried at Camelot then Arthur knew what his uncle would say. Stay strong, no leniency, your enemies will use it against you. But Merlin wasn’t an enemy. Well he was, but not like Odin, not a powerful enemy.

Just… powerful enough to control dragons.

Arthur ground his teeth. This is just another reason why they needed to kill the dragons as soon as possible. Arthur could never give Merlin the mercy of banishment knowing he could go straight to his dragons, Agravaine and his court would never accept such a sentence. Merlin _really_ _is_ _dangerous_. Technically. Of course, Arthur knew he wouldn’t wage war on them, but the rest of Camelot didn’t know that. They didn’t know Merlin. So, Arthur needed to remove the danger from the situation; if he killed the dragons then Merlin could live and… leave. That was the most merciful option.

If he could find the dragons.

God, this was so frustrating. Here they were riding blindly in the direction of the dragon’s hiding place, towing along someone who could tell them the precise location if he pleased. Arthur puzzled over this some more. It must have originally lived somewhere else, somewhere closer to Camelot. If it had lived this far South all the time then Merlin would have needed to take many days off each time he went to it. It might have been within a day’s ride, as Merlin did disappear for the odd day sometimes. At the tavern supposedly, though now Arthur doubted that. Maybe the dragon had been at that tower all along, in a secret land behind a waterfall. Merlin _had_ known where to go.

This all brought Arthur back to wondering exactly how often Merlin met with the dragon anyway. He had told it about the egg, told it to meet him in that clearing. He must have told him about Arthur and knights, as the beast had addressed them. From the way it addressed them, he must have told it a lot. He had joked about never having a plan… what other plans with a dragon would he need to have? What else had he conspired to do?

There had been so much time between him faking the dragon’s death and stealing the egg, years where he went unsuspected of anything. Arthur stared off into the distance, turning over the events again and again. Turning over everything Merlin did, everything he said, now and all that time ago and all the time in between. All those years where Arthur hadn’t suspected a thing he now combed through for clues, but couldn’t distinguish them from Merlin’s usual strange behaviour.  Honestly, his skill at lying was entirely unnerving. He hadn’t even unravelled when his father died in front of him, he was right back to making jokes later that day; gallows humour, but still.

 

_“I’m coming with you.” Merlin had said confidently._

_Arthur smiled back shrewdly. “Merlin, chances are I’m going to die.”_

_“Yeah.” He grinned. “Yeah you probably would if I wasn’t there!”_

 

Arthur wanted to go back in time and shake himself. He’d practically told him! Were all Merlin’s jokes borderline confessions? Was that why the idiot found himself so funny?

Gods, what else had he told Arthur? What else had he been hiding? How often did he meet the dragon? and how? and how did his powers work? And had he told anyone, ever? His mother? Gaius? How deep does the conspiracy go and how did Arthur not see it and how the hell was he supposed to trust anyone anymore-

Arthur pulled on the reins of his horse and turned quickly to say something, anything to Merlin, only… he saw Percival first. Then Leon and Gwaine behind him. Then there was Merlin. Behind his men, his men who were halting and looking surprised at the sudden stop, who were looking… expectantly at him as his mouth hung open.

“Lunch break.” Arthur said lamely.

He’d completely lost track of how long they’d been riding for, but maybe it was lunch time. He certainly felt hungry, but that wasn’t surprising after their measly breakfast. Arthur checked his shadow and realised it was some way past midday, so they were long overdue for a break, the horses too. None of the knights had said anything though, not even Gwaine. He supposed he wasn’t the only one with a lot to think about.

They ate in silence, all sitting distantly from each other, and finished off the last of their bread, cheese and biscuits. Elyan, taking note of their last conversation no doubt, passed food to Merlin and removed his gag without discussion. He stared at the ground and ate slowly and in silence.

Merlin’s wrists were bound in front of him today, so he had no trouble eating. Gwaine hadn’t even bothered to tie him to a tree after he let him down from his horse, he practically looked like one of them. He could get up and run away if he felt inclined, though of course he wouldn’t get far. They would never treat another prisoner so casually, and yet no one said anything! Not even Arthur had said anything, instead he sat, just staring, because look at him! He was Merlin!

He was still just Merlin.

Arthur felt a theory humming in his chest, a sympathetic one, assuming some degree of idiocy, assuming the least guilt.

He imagined a past in which Merlin was surprised to find out, by talking to Balinor, that he was a dragonlord. He imagined Merlin, coward he was, was too scared to kill the dragon and instead sent it away, and then panicked and lied to Arthur about it. He imagined this dragonlord business never came up again until just now, when Merlin had dived headfirst into a stupid decision out of some sense of duty to his father, and that sense of duty that was now keeping him from doing the right thing.

It would be really easy to believe that.

But then there was the _sheer resolution_ he had to protect the dragons. There was the extreme familiarity between him and the beast. That could only have been built over time. He must have met with the beast many times over the years, and if it could talk then of course it could lie and persuade and coax Merlin round to it’s side. He’d been indoctrinated.

Just like Morgana.

Arthur clenched his fists, no, not like Morgana. Because Morgana was gone, but Merlin was right here in front of him. He could still save Merlin from himself.

Arthur stood up and took a few steps towards Merlin, so he was standing in the centre of their group. Merlin looked up at him, not scared but… definitely on edge.

Arthur braced himself for what he needed to say.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh what's up lads guess who's back!  
> I'm done with my cool travels and ready to settle back into my usual nerdery, so expect more frequent updates from here on out!


	16. Things?

Merlin felt on edge.

Talking with Gwaine in the morning had made him feel briefly better, but as the day dragged on in silence nothing could distract from the awful situation at hand. So many years Merlin lived with the fear of Arthur finding out about his magic, it had barely crossed his mind that one of his other secrets may come to light first. He’d never given much thought to how awful revealing just this one part of his story could be. He’d also never considered how bad Arthur’s decision making could get in light of such information.

They had been riding deeper and deeper into Odin’s lands all morning, with no signs of Arthur coming to his senses. While it was all well and good that they weren’t riding back to Camelot to hurry on with Merlin’s trial and execution, this alternative of riding directly into enemy lands with no strategic plan or preparation was also, well… not great.

Merlin felt especially bad knowing it was all entirely unnecessary. It was Kilgarrah they were searching for, and he could be called back in an instant. Of course, then Kilgarrah would be in danger. Actually not just in danger, dead, because if Merlin called him back then Arthur would attack, and he couldn’t win on his own of course, but Merlin couldn’t let Kilgarrah hurt Arthur so he’d have to order him not to, but it’s not like he could order Arthur not to hurt Kilgarrah, so Kilgarrah wouldn’t be able to defend himself and both he and the egg would die and it would be all Merlin’s fault-

“Lunch.”

Merlin’s train of thought suddenly halted at the sound of Arthur’s voice. He’d been so lost in his head he hadn’t even noticed the shadows creeping past midday, nor the rumble in his stomach. They reached a small clearing and Gwaine, the first to reach him of course, let him down. As soon as Merlin’s feet touched the ground Gwaine took his hands off him and walked ahead into the centre of the clearing.

“Right, you can go here then.” He nodded to the ground.

Merlin couldn’t speak, so he hoped his crinkled his eyebrows got the words across:   _Gwaine! This is against protocol- Arthur may murder you._

“Oh come off it,” the knight chastised as he went to plop down a few feet away, “We can all see you.”

Merlin sighed quite deliberately, but sat down all the same. Arthur wasn’t paying attention anyway. He and the knights all moved around automatically and without a word to each other, doing all the usual routines of their lunch breaks minus the conversations. Merlin decided to join in, and sunk miserably into his own thoughts as they all ate.

After some time he felt an awful pang of foreboding, and looked up to see Arthur standing over him with a resolute look in his eye. The same look he got when he made a decision, or when he was about to give a speech, the look of important words about to be released.

Merlin braced himself.

“I’m sorry about your Father.”

Merlin eyes widened in surprise. In his chest Merlin felt the twinge of an old wound. He hadn’t seen Arthur’s words coming, and now the memory of his Father hit him unexpectedly. He thought about that day and… and he could see Arthur was thinking about it too. His body was tense, but his voice was gentle, and his eyes looked genuinely remorseful.

“If I had known, then…”

Arthur struggled with the words as he caught Merlin’s eyes. He swallowed. “Well if you had told me then maybe all this could have been avoided.”

The words sank into Merlin’s chest. No, no, no, it had never been an option… had it?

Merlin opened his mouth. “I, I couldn’t…” He cast a hopeless look at Arthur. “Uther would have-“

“I am not my Father.”

Arthur’s face was steely. Merlin didn’t know how to feel, how to react. It was something he knew of course, but to hear Arthur not only say it, but to say it as a defence of him… a defence and a reprimand. Because it was still too late. Merlin tried to cast his mind back, because he had reason, good reason… the lie couldn’t have been for nothing, surely.

“But you had a duty-“

 “You think I would have gotten you killed?” Arthur cut him off, anger on the edge of his voice now. “You think I would do that to you?”

The words stabbed at Merlin’s heart, but he pressed on. Arthur had to understand, it wasn’t just his safety, it would have been making his burden Arthur’s.

“You would have had to choose between me and your Father.”

 “No.” Arthur shook his head, frustrated. “No, I could have talked to him, if you had just helped me kill the dragon then we could have-“

“I could never do that.” Merlin looked down. There was his reason.

“I would have protected you!” Arthur raised his voice frustratedly. “If you hadn’t been so stupid-“

“I stopped the dragon as soon as I could.” Merlin said loudly, still looking down.

“But you didn’t. kill. it.” Arthur bit back.

Merlin looked up. Arthur was looking at him coldly now, he still didn’t understand, he had no idea what Kilgarrah was, what good he had done, what the world without him would be. Merlin rose to his feet and looked levelly at Arthur. They wore matching looks of determination.

“You heard him speak, he’s not just some animal. To kill him, to wipe out the dragons… I can’t do that.” Merlin tried to pour as much feeling into his words as he could. “We’re connected… it would be like destroying a piece of myself.”

Arthur’s face flickered for a second, but settled into disdain. He didn’t care at all, didn’t listen. God he drove Merlin mad!

“And you wouldn’t sacrifice that to protect people? Protect Camelot from that beast-”

“Camelot would be ruins if not for that beast.”

Arthur took a small step back. Merlin finally broke eye contact and looked around at the others, who at some point had all risen to stand, maybe when he had. He hadn’t noticed. Now he could see his words had pulled all of them up short, as they were all looking at him intently with looks of confusion and furrowed brows- the most furrowed of which was Arthur’s.

“What do you mean by that?”

Merlin looked away quickly with pursed lips as Arthur narrowed his eyes. Maybe he spoke too recklessly. He had been planning to tell Arthur of course, but the _planning_ part was something he struggled with, and he still wasn’t exactly sure the best way to-

“Merlin.” Arthur stepped forward threateningly.

“There are. There are things I’ve done…” Merlin stumbled his words. _Things_! Off to a great start-

“Things?” Arthur prompted heatedly.

Merlin screwed his eyes shut and focused on his words. “Do you think, after everything we’ve been through, I wouldn’t do everything in my power to keep us safe? To keep Camelot safe?”

“The dragon never protected Camelot-“

“That you knew of.” Merlin opened his eyes. Arthur’s mouth was still open slightly, as if Merlin’s words had lodged his protestation in place. The King looked at him piercingly. Merlin gulped and pressed on. “I couldn’t tell you about him, I couldn’t tell you about… the things that happened… about…”

“The things you’ve done.” Arthur seethed out, still angry but hurt too. Because the weight of what Merlin was saying hung in the air. There was more he’d kept from Arthur. A lot more, and he could sense it. Merlin knew what he needed to say, but it all tangled in his mind and stuck in his throat. His heart pounded as the eyes of his friends beat down on him.

“So. What have you done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so maybe updates aren't gonna be SUPER frequent, turns out I still have post-travel life responsibilities. But I'll still trudge on, I know where I'm going! Thanks to everyone who comments and kudos, really feeds my hungry ego, love you guys x


	17. Secrets Jenga

That he knew of.

That he knew of! What the hell was that supposed to mean?! Arthur had risked his life to protect Camelot time and time again, against sorcerers and magical beasts and undead soldiers, and now here was Merlin saying it survived thanks to a dragon. How could that possibly be? Arthur couldn’t recall the beast lending a hand, or claw rather, any of the countless times he and his men had been in danger, Merlin had never said ‘Hey, I know what might help here!’ No, he’d always played the hapless fool. As far as Arthur could see anyway.

_The things he’d done._

Arthur stomach felt sick, this just made everything all the worse. What had Merlin done to warrant such a preposterous claim? What had he gotten away with while Arthur blindly trusted him, what had been going on right under his nose all this time? Arthur had known there was more to the story of course, but the way Merlin talked… he made it seem like they’d barely scratched the surface.

“So. What have you done?” Arthur forced out. He was scared of the answer but desperate for it at the same time.

Merlin looked away from him, his eyes flickering at the ground. His jaw was tight, as though the words were trapped in there. The man has such a habit of lying, Arthur thought, it seems he even has physical trouble letting the truth out.

“What things have you done, Merlin?” Arthur spoke more forcefully this time.

“I…” his eyes now flicked up, darting between all of them. “Kilgarrah helped me a lot when-

“Kilgarrah?” Arthur cut in with a frown.

“The dragon.” Merlin stammered out. “That’s his name, Kilgarrah.”

Arthur huffed out through his nose. It made sense, but the fact the dragon had a name annoyed him immensely. It was so… casual. His manservant was on first name terms with a dragon.

“I… Look, I know you hate him.” Merlin drew his attention back. “I hated him. I hated him for the destruction he caused, the people he’d killed. I showed him mercy, but I vowed never to see him again, I ordered him never to return. But then… I needed him. _We_ needed his help. Many times. And without it we’d be dead, and…”

Merlin took a deep breath.

“And Morgana would sit on Camelot’s throne.”

Arthur stepped backwards, as if the words had physically pushed him. What?

“What?” Elyan said, taken aback. All the knights were, and they leaned in restlessly. Merlin’s statement had turned the already-tense air electric, and no one quite knew how to react. It just didn’t make any sense, what the hell was he implying?

“What…” Arthur felt his face contort in confusion, and anger, and more confusion. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Morgana-”

Merlin’s voice faltered as he saw Arthur tense, but he pressed on.

“She did a lot you didn’t see.”

Arthur’s breath hitched, he could hear blood pounding in his ears and feel an explosion welling in him.

“And I stopped her.” Merlin’s eyes were teary. “When no one could see her. When I was the only one who knew… what she’d become.”

Arthur took a second to breathe in as Merlin’s words clicked in his brain.

And then he flew forward.

“You bastard!”

Merlin tried to back away, but he grabbed him by the collar. In the background Arthur heard the knights yell and rush forward to separate them.

“You knew!”

“Arthur, let him go!”

Arms tugged at him, but he clung on, teeth bared and inches from Merlin’s reeling face.

“You knew and you said nothing!”

“You wouldn’t have believed me!”

Arthur let out a growl and drew his fist back, but as soon as his hand was free Gwaine grabbed his arm and he and Elyan managed to tug him back. Percival caught a stumbling Merlin and dragged him back a few paces, while Leon stood squarely between them and held a placating hand towards Arthurs chest.

 Arthur breathed heavily through gritted teeth and tried to blink away his teary vision. Just when he thought Merlin couldn’t surprise him, couldn’t betray him in any greater way than he had already. This revelation made the dragon seem like a small, insignificant thing. He shook his head and huffed out a sharp, humourless laugh.

“Traitor.”

Merlin was on the ground at Percival’s feet, panting for air and blinking back tears himself, but unlike earlier his brow was creased. Where did he get the nerve to look frustrated?!

“You wouldn’t. have. Believed me.” He huffed out before rising shakily to his feet.

“So you just did nothing.” Arthur brushed Gwaine and Elyan off him with a glare. “Cowar-“

“You’re not listening!” Merlin snapped.

Arthur clenched his fist, how dare he-

“Do you think in all that time she was in Camelot, working against us, she never once tried to kill you? The immortal army wasn’t her first attempt at the throne you know, she was with us for months! Months!”

Merlin’s voice had risen, and Arthur found himself stunned into silence.

“And I wanted to tell you. But there was no way, there was no evidence. I could prove _someone_ was plotting against you, but there was nothing to tie it to her, nothing she couldn’t deny, or worse pin on someone else. In fact she made it clear I’d end up on the pyre if I said anything, and then who would’ve stopped her?”

Merlin breathed out shakily and glanced around, but no one said anything. There were no words. Arthur could only imagine the knights’ heads were spinning as much as his.

“She didn’t go a week without trying something.” Merlin continued, quieter now, reflective. “She thought she was unlucky… she knew about a couple of times I stopped her and tried to kill me for it. If she knew everything I did she might have tried harder. But I stayed hidden, and I’m alive because of it. And so are you.”

With that Merlin bowed his head, as if the words had physically exhausted him. Arthur knew how he felt. This was just one punch to the gut after another. It ripped open the wound of morgana’s betrayal, and suddenly everything was a thousand times more complex. A moment ago he’d wanted to tear the man apart… now he didn’t know what to feel. All he had was a void exactly where feelings should go.

Arthur glared at the ground for a moment, trying to process what he’d just heard, trying to reconcile it with the reality he knew.

“She-” Arthur tried to power past the ringing in his brain. “She tried to kill me.”

Arthur’s statement wasn’t the news of the century, he knew that, he knew that Morgana hated him with all she had and her trying to kill him was nothing unusual. But he’d always assumed Morgana had been biding her time in Camelot, or even… hesitating. That maybe some piece of her, uncorrupted by magic, had trouble betraying them all. But her betrayal had been constant, and apparently the only thing standing between her and victory had been… Merlin?

His manservant was looking at him tentatively, as if expecting to be yelled at again. Arthur hadn’t the energy or emotion.

“And she tried to kill you.” Arthur couldn’t help but sound sceptical. It’s not that he didn’t believe him, it’s just… he was still coming to terms with this new version of Merlin. Dragonlord Merlin, secret-keeping Merlin, witch-fighting Merlin. In front of him he still saw the man who hid in corners during attacks, couldn’t stomach hunting, couldn’t keep the smile off his face when he had a secret to tell.

“Only when she got bored.” Merlin twitched his mouth into the briefest of smiles before returning to his nervous disposition, waiting for Arthur to react. Arthur was still in shock.

“You acted like friends.”

They had all been friends, they travelled together, ate together, smiles and chatter aplenty. Merlin and Morgana would tease Arthur, he would bite back and they would laugh like they’d known each other forever. Were all Merlin’s friendship’s acts?

“Not in those months. I tried to talk to her, appeal to who she used to be, but…” Merlin shook his head mournfully. “I couldn’t change her course.”

Arthur raked through the fog of his memory. Thinking about Morgana was painful, and the self-hatred he had for not seeing through her disguise meant he tried to avoid thinking back to that time. There had always been something different about those months, something he couldn’t put his finger on. Morgana acted so well, but he had felt an unease at times, a feeling that something wasn’t how it used to be. Maybe that came from Merlin all along. Maybe he hadn’t acted the same around Morgana and Arthur hadn’t noticed, perhaps writing it off as another bout of unusual Merlin behaviour. Just another sign Arthur missed.

Well he was done being blind.

“What-“ Arthur swallowed and tried to steady his voice. “What did she do?”

Merlin cocked his head hesitantly, as if gathering his thoughts. Arthur’s stomach felt queasy- did she really do so much that Merlin didn’t know where to start?

“She cursed Uther with a mandrake, to weaken him, drive him mad.”

Gods, that was so soon after they found her. Merlin really had known the truth the entire time.

“There was the skeleton army.” He continued cautiously, “She raised it and almost ran me threw when I went to stop her.”

Arthur remembered a skeleton turning to dust in front of him, it’s sword dropping to the ground with a clatter. He’d been so proud of Morgana for breaking the spell.

“She poisoned your food a couple of times. She was always leaking information to Cenred. She gave you a cursed bracelet, she framed Gwen for witchcraft-“

“Stop!” Arthur waved out his hand. This was too much, his brain felt ready to combust. “Stop.”

Merlin held his tongue abruptly, looking just as overwhelmed by his own runaway sentence as everyone else. He probably hadn’t spoken so honestly in years.

Arthur looked around at his men, each of them speechless and staring at either him of Merlin. Leon’s eyes caught him, and conveyed a sorrowful look to his King. He had been a knight longer than any of them, and he was the only other person there who’d known Morgana as both friend and enemy. He and Arthur were in the same place right now, reacting with personal weight to everything Merlin said.

A crinkle appeared on the knight’s forehead; something had occurred to him. Arthur twitched an eyebrow in question. His friend cast Merlin an uncertain look before answering.

“Dragoon framed Gwen.” He stated, cutting through the silence and drawing everyone’s attention.

Wait… that was a point. Leon’s words contradicted Merlin’s, but Arthur remembered it clearly; Dragoon had confessed to planting the poultice, and escaped execution. Arthur’s head snapped round to eye his manservant sceptically.

Merlin blinked.

“Dragoon framed himself, to free Gwen.” He looked timidly at Arthur. “I mean think about it, you were never really enchanted. If Dragoon hadn’t turned up to claim Morgana’s crimes as his own, then Gwen would have taken the fall.”

Arthur shook his head. The words were true, but made no sense. Dragoon didn’t even know Gwen, why risk his life for hers? And what stake could he have in keeping Morgana from the throne? The old man certainly didn’t think his Father should be King… Arthur learnt that the hard way. He didn’t understand Merlin’s theory at all.

“But why?”

“Maybe he saw something, like I did.” Merlin shrugged stiffly. “Maybe he knew what Morgana was doing.”

Arthur stared at Merlin. There was no hint of doubt in his voice; this wasn’t a theory to him, it was truth. A memory bubbled to the surface of Arthur’s mind, easy to recall as it had happened just a few weeks ago.

 

_“What did Gaius say? Did he have any information?”_

_“He didn’t know much,” Merlin answered him. “But he has heard of a sorcerer- an old man.”_

_A chance to save his Father, Arthur thought._

_“Gaius thinks he may be able to help you.”_

Gaius thinks.

Gaius thinks.

Arthur stared at Merlin and saw a slight twitch in his jaw. There they are again, those trapped secrets.

“You seem to know an awful lot about Dragoon.” He observed quietly.

Merlin’s body stiffened.

“Is he another friend of yours?”

“I’ve never spoken to him.” He sounded honest… but he was good lying. Arthur narrowed his eyes.

“You knew where to find him.” Arthur raised his voice, cold anger on the edge of it. “Not Gaius, you. And you let him slip right by you when he escaped.”

“I-“

“Have you conspired with the man who murdered my Father?”

“He didn’t-“ Merlin cut himself off but it was too late, the words were said. His voice trembled. “You don’t know that’s what happened.”

A silence filled the air. The tension in his body, the shake in his voice, the way he shied away from the question, from the answer he couldn’t give. It was all enough for Arthur to see the truth laid bare, sat heavily between them like some great dead weight.

“It seems I don’t know anything.” Arthur bit out, clenching his fist. “I definitely don’t know you.”

He turned and began walking away. He had no direction in mind, just any destination that wasn’t here, anywhere he didn’t have to look at that face. The liar, pretender, protector of Camelot, arguable hero, definite traitor, his once best friend. The most unbearable face on the planet.

“Arthur!”

 _Gwaine._ Arthur scowled and ignored the knight. He couldn’t deal with him right now. Unfortunately the man couldn’t take a hint, and Arthur soon felt a hand grasp his shoulder.

“Leave me.” He grumbled, swatting the hand off. Gwaine pivoted round to block his path.

“You can’t just go storming off into Odin’s land!” The knight growled as he tried to push past. Arthur glared at him, about ready to take a swing when-

“He’s right Arthur.” Leon appeared at his side. “We need to stay together.”

Arthur clenched his jaw. He felt about ready to scream, but they were right. This was enemy territory; they couldn’t afford to get separated. Arthur couldn’t react how he wanted, he was King. He had to lead, that always came first.

“Then we ride on.” Arthur strode past them towards the horses, not waiting for a response.

“Arthur-“

“No, no, don’t say anything! I’ve heard enough.” Arthur didn’t turn around.

He didn’t need to. Whatever Merlin had been about to say died in the air. Arthur didn’t look back to see if they had bound his mouth again, he didn’t look to see the faces of his men, didn’t wonder on their reactions. He simply waited, eyes forward, wanting nothing more than to leave this place and this moment behind.

They rode on.


End file.
